The Cocktail Party

Tosh.WTF?!

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 16:56:00 -0400

I guess I’ve gotten a little uppity ever since I realized that I had the right to vote, express myself, get paid equally, do math, etc…

But WTF?! Tosh.O is encouraging men to touch women’s stomachs without their consent and then upload the footage online.

The great thing about being a former attorney (ladies get to go to school now too!) is that I’m not a complete moron. An unwanted touching like that is more than likely a criminal act or civil tort (depending on your jurisdiction). Its called assault and/or battery. Heres a link to learn more about how little you have to touch someone for it to be a civil battery.

So. To the men stupid enough to do this. You’re literally supplying to the world… EVIDENCE that can be used to prosecute or sue you. So please, keep uploading that footage. And ladies, please press charges and sue them in civil courts. I don’t normally support lots of lawsuits, but in this case, SUE AWAY!

And this concludes the contestants business suit portion of...

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 14:40:01 -0500

And this concludes the contestants business suit portion of the evening. Up next, talent and swimwear.

No. But it is a sin that you have a job. This question was written during the recession, and you...

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 08:05:05 -0500

No. But it is a sin that you have a job. This question was written during the recession, and you very clearly still have some sort of job.

Ignorant, bigot, or both?

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 06:39:56 -0500

Rick Santorum: gay people not be allowed in the military, also should stop being gay altogether.

Is that racist? Seems racist.

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 06:32:13 -0500

Rick Santorum: ”I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money.”

Except white Americans account for the largest percentage of welfare payments each month…

My New Years Wishes for US America – 2012

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 10:24:40 -0500

My New Years Wishes for US America – 2012

FINANCIAL:

Let’s use pennies more (I dare someone to tell me that using a sack full of coins to purchase a Happy Meal, doesn’t make you feel pretty dang rich. Not to mention Happy. And later, full. And then later, maybe a little sick. But I know one thing: don’t blame it on the pennies)

GOVERNMENTAL:

Let’s get rid of any socialized benefits we get as a result of paying taxes. (social security, unemployment, highways, FBI, libraries, parks , education, etc.) Our taxes should go to one thing, and one thing only: wars in countries we’ve never heard of and/or can’t locate on a map.

Let’s only elect politicians we relate to on some sort of quasi-emotional level. Education and qualification are big, hard to spell, words. Just words, guys.

HEALTH(AL):

Let’s eat more processed foods with unpronounceable ingredients. (If we wanted our food product to have pronounceable ingredients, we’d make it at home).

If we get the choice to drive or walk, let’s always drive. (The large Home Depot doors, etc.. doors are a tacit invitation for your car)

And finally, let’s for once and for all, debunk that “Dance like no ones watching” poem, and call it what it is - a trick to get us to exercise.

Happy Last Year on Earth.
(thanks Mayans, for the heads up)

"Newt 4 Pres. I only got caught having affairs with staffers/someone 20+ years younger than me those..."

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 21:11:25 -0500

“Newt 4 Pres. I only got caught having affairs with staffers/someone 20+ years younger than me those couple a times. Protect Marriage!”

"Which is better? NEWT FOR PRES: I only got caught —Violating Federal Tax..."

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 21:11:07 -0500

“Which is better? NEWT FOR PRES: I only got caught —Violating Federal Tax Law—OR—Lying to the Congressional Ethics Panel— that *one* time”

"Presidential race campaign idea for Newty. “Newt for President: Because 84 ethical violations..."

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 21:10:23 -0500

“Presidential race campaign idea for Newty. “Newt for President: Because 84 ethical violations while in Congress isn’t *that* many””

"Whats great about a candidate like Newt Gingrich is that we already know how he responds to high..."

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 21:09:59 -0500

“Whats great about a candidate like Newt Gingrich is that we already know how he responds to high pressure political jobs: he resigns.”

Don’t tread on me, sure. But definitely don’t teabag...

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 11:54:02 -0500

Don’t tread on me, sure. But definitely don’t teabag me.

"People who think OWS protestors just need to “get a job” - go back to your Cheetos and..."

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 11:43:38 -0500

“People who think OWS protestors just need to “get a job” - go back to your Cheetos and Jersey Shore marathon. Sorry in advance for the health problems you’ll invariably develop due to poor life decisions.”

-

"All I’m really looking for in a political party is for them to believe in: Equality, Common..."

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 12:30:07 -0400

“All I’m really looking for in a political party is for them to believe in: Equality, Common Sense, and Dinosaurs.”

(Tea)Bagging Burros

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 21:42:00 -0400

In the day and age where most of us can’t get a tweezer through airport security, others of us (*cough* tea baggers *cough*) are bringing sniper rifles into the skies.

But don’t worry, its for hunting. Something horrible and ferocious? Like a T-rex? Sorta, except more like horses, but smaller. Burros.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry is allowing the shooting of these wild donkeys …with sniper riffles… from helicopters.

Now that Sarah Palin is officially out of the presidential race, is this an attempt to win over her constituency? (Palin, endorser of ariel hunting, had won office with the support of powerful hunting groups, and offered a $150 bounty to hunters who brought in a left wolf paw lopped off with a chain saw, before a state court ruled the practice illegal.)

If Michelle Bachman is going to have any hope of scooping up the Palin followers, looks like she’ll need to start hunting Minnesota badgers from fighter jets.

Change.org has a petition asking Perry to stop the creepy, creepy killings here.

Had Plymouth Rock Been Rosetta Stone (and if someone even...

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 21:15:34 -0400

Had Plymouth Rock Been Rosetta Stone

(and if someone even considers explaining that plymouth rock was where the pilgrims landed in the 1600s and not where Columbus landed in the 1400s, just know I’ll be doing this “uugh”)

Photo

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 10:40:18 -0400

"I’m not convinced that her last child has downs syndrome. I think it’s just a Palin."

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 09:59:41 -0400

“I’m not convinced that her last child has downs syndrome. I think it’s just a Palin.”

"I have a confession. In 2009, I told my mom that the correct term for a member of the Tea Party was..."

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 22:20:00 -0400

“I have a confession. In 2009, I told my mom that the correct term for a member of the Tea Party was “tea bagger”. And I still haven’t told her that it isn’t.”

- Siobhan Beasley